Should these cosmetic procedures even be legal?

Today’s post was inspired by a tv show about bad plastic surgery. It featured Jocelyn Wildenstein , who has got to have some severe mental disorder to purposely wanting to look like the way she did. Anyway, I googled around, and found out that perhaps Jocelyn isn’t completely mental yet …after all she  still hasn’t done the  6 cosmetic procedures mentioned below.

Here we go:

1.Ear Pointing -I blame Star Trek and the J.R.R Tolkien equally for this. Why do you want pointed ears? To be unique? And what if you got it done at age 18 and decided 4 years later you were tired of looking like a total freak and wanted to be normal? And you don’t even have to go to a surgeon to get this done. Apparently ear-pointing surgery falls under “slight body modifications” so any old tattoo artist can help you out.

I'm just speechless.

2. Toe Removal - I’ve heard before rumors  of this procedure being done among fashionable ladies and I thought it was a joke, but seriously, removing digits from your feet for the sake of fashion? There are not enough pairs of Louboutins and Choos in this world that are worth 2 perfectly formed feet. I should know because I had been teased for my feet since forever (I’m a size 9 1/2). And although there were many many times  when I had fell in love with a pair of sexy shoes only to discover my feet are a tad to wide for them I would never consider cutting off my toes. What if I wanted to pay flip-flops? Or walk barefoot on the beach? What if I used my brains and decided to widen my tight shoes instead?

3.The Tongue Patch : The Chugay Tongue Patch is invented by a Dr. Nikolas Chugay, a plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills. He would surgically attach a prolene patch the size of a postage stamp to your tongue to make eating painful. This way, you are forced to only consume liquids – thereby reducing your calorie intake (and eventually losing weight). I think this has got to be the most bizarre weight loss method ever.

Dr.Chugay says it only takes four stitches to your tongue to attach the patch.

4. Jaw Wiring To Lose Weight- And this is the second most bizarre way to lose weight. Basically you lose weight because no food gets into your mouth except liquids.  Dr.Ted Rothstein is a popular proponent of this method. One lady that had the procedure states that other than the fact your jaws are wired shut 24/7 …  it is less invasive than stomach stapling. Hmm. But how do you go on for days without talking and ….yawning? And doesn’t your jaw get cramped for lack of exercise?

5.Rib Removal - Unless your ribs are jutting out of your body at say… a 90 degree angle, I hope you won’t consider getting this done. In this body-contouring procedure, your floating ribs (numbers 11 and 12) and sometimes even rib 10 are removed. The rear portion of the ribs are left intact to protect against trauma to internal organs. Needless to say, your ribs won’t grow back. Said Dr.Aaron Stone who has routinely performed the operation -

Since historically ribs have been harvested by plastic surgeons for bone grafts without long-term problems at the donor site the procedure should be safe when performed properly in the proper patient.

Jane Fonda has admitted getting the procedure done.

6.Corneal Tattooing - Compared to this, the ear-pointing procedure seems kind of okay now. First of all, let me inform you that there are some legitimate reasons to tattoo the surface of your eyes. There are some people with eye deformities that underwent the procedures so they can look normal.  But then, there are people who want to do it to look like this:

Ack.

Well, maybe I’m old-fashioned – but if your excuse is self-expression, why can’t you do it with makeup ?